Delusions Of Grandeur

Ruins one's enjoyment of an exciting moment in life.

I Graduate 3 weeks from Friday. THREE. That's awesome, right? Of course! And all of the graduating Art Majors have to put together a senior show in the art gallery. Also, very cool. Except... it's expensive.

No Seriously... EXPENSIVE. At least my parents are helping me out and paying for it... But I walked out of Kinko's yesterday majorly weighed down by guilt. I called my mom to tell her the bad news and was just so upset I told her not to get me anything more for Christmas. She did a great job of telling me not to be ridiculous and that it was ok, because by graduating early, I'm saving money. But still, I feel bad. I can't believe anyone could expect me to accept more gifts.

I should be excited about this show, about graduating, really I just feel bad.

I'm also stressed. Three major things left to get done this semester. I can do it, right? Right.

I'm going to go back to taking notes on a movie. Ciao!

...granted to the girl on her knees, begging her God to show her the way.

Miscommunications and Misunderstandings... Still suck. But Reconciliation is a healing balm to the hurt of a misunderstanding.

There's a line of what's ok and what isn't. A line of appropriate joking and justified humor.

...Crossing that line can have bad ramifications. Ramifications that can include a boyfriend who is so upset by not taking the trust of your relationship seriously, that he genuinely struggles to decide whether or not to work through this screw up.

To all those who helped calm Justin down and show him the remorse I was feeling, and how badly I was willing to work to not mess up at this again... Thank You. You are some of the people I love most right now.

My mouth runs away from me. Often. And this is something that I need to control.

Ephesians 4:29 -Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God's favor) to those who hear it.

Do you see that? No Worthless talk. There needs to be purpose behind everything that I say. In order for that to be true, there needs to be thought behind everything that I say. Even more than there needing to be a purpose, there needs to be edification. How can I hope to build a strong relationship with anyone, let alone my boyfriend, if I'm not choosing to edify those I love? My words cannot be tearing down those people, but instead strengthening my relationships.

So, as for this reconciliation. Nothing comes easy and relationships have problems that need to be worked through. So of course it may take a little time to heal and get back to normal, but that we're trying is the important thing.

Anyway, I have packing to get done if I plan to work out today before going to Springfield. Twilight premieres tonight!!! I'm so freaking excited, you don't even know. I'm 21 and stoked about this movie, if anyone has issues with that, too bad. I'm embracing the part of myself that just wants to enjoy being carefree and entertained.

I'll probably come rave or rant about it tomorrow... but yeah. Bye!

Suck.

Yep, that's it. Night. :[

...and i love you, justin. I'm sorry.

Know what's weird? I really enjoy rain. Not so much storms, but Rain is pretty sweet. It's cleansing and cool and at times, a blessing. Unfortunately, I am one of those people that tends to be affected by rain.

Thus, today, Chris is being stupid.

I wake up, and before I even know about the rain, in my still half-sleep state I get a little stressed at my boyfriend. Then after I'm done with that, once I've had time to let the rain set in and my day begin, I've been all stupid and doubting and moody. Stupid Rain.

At least it's Friday, right? At least I can enjoy a weekend without classes. Granted, I have some major homework to catch up on, but that's better than class. And I get to see Nate tonight!! Tonight is also Rachel's senior Recital. I'm so excited for her! She's going to do great! After that Jess and I are headed to see Role Models (which I've seen already) with Nate. And maybe Sarah and James. They should let us know soon.

I also HAVE to workout today. Stace and I missed our last two days, so I think we better go today. My head is still hurting from yesterday but at least I'm not longer scared to move. Yesterday was bad. Horrible. Completely Incapacitated.

Anyway, now I'm running late to class if I'd like to eat at all, so I'm gonna go do that. Then dishes. Woo having responsibilities. Wish I had a stinking dishwasher. :[

There are two things weighing very heavily on my heart right now, and frankly, I don't know which to type about. Why not both? you may be asking... Because, honestly, I don't know if I have the time. Screw it, I'll make the time. Who needs sleep? After all, I'm sure my stupid brain won't even let me sleep tonight.

The shorter first, eh?

My boyfriend, Justin, is really sick. Really sick. He got Sick like this in August as well. Was sent home from California where he was at for the Marines. They never got it really figured out. Needless to say, I'm worried. But, as a result, he's being the sweetest most wonderful boy in the world right now. It's not fair, 'cause I'm sick too, and PMSing... So I cry at the drop of a hat. Plus, I want to drive the 6 hours I need to to get to him. BLAH. Stupid relationships.

The other thing? School. Ok, this can be the shorter one... I graduate in one month and 9 days. I'm never going to get everything done. Essentially... I'm Screwed. Awesome.

Was this remotely interesting to you all? Nope. Too Bad. I'm off to go talk to my ridiculous boyfriend and try to create a Flier. Night!

...boys buy guns for girls?

Alright, let me modify... Boys who happen to like guns or appreciate their necessity, go gun shopping for their girlfriends.

Did you know that? I didn't. Maybe I should have?

Either way, apparently this is a new truth I've learned. Pass this information along so that you aren't as shocked as me if it should happen.

Anyways, I realized after my last post, I should probably tell you a little about myself. Not that I'm really that exciting.

I'm Christina. I'm 21. I will be a college graduate in only a few weeks. I'll probably fail at my career, but I love what I do. I have a family that I love dearly, even when they're really upsetting me. I have a family that I have only met a few times, and I love them too. My friends mean the world to me, I wouldn't be who I am without each and every one of you. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 months now. Officially that is. And I know I want to spend the rest of my life learning how to love him better. I currently live in an apartment of my own, but that freedom will end when I graduate and I move back home. Right now I don't know where I'm going for sure, but Springfield is looking inviting. I'm an Artist and a Writer. And I have the most adorable and insane dog ever. I love and hate her simultaneously.

I think that's all that there is remotely important about me. Oh. I'm Awesome. That's important.

Tonight I'm heading to a reunion for all the Camp Su'Na'Go people. It should be fun. I hope. Anyway, I'm tired and expecting Hillary here soon, plus, I'm not exactly looking very pretty yet, so I'm going to go work on that... Ciao!

...Christina wrote a blog.

Truthfully, I am not sure where to begin. Which is precisely the issue. Why am I writing this blog and what's my purpose?

Well, I can tell you why at least. I feel like lately I've just had way too much bottled up. So this is my place to... uncork. If you will. So there's no censoring or secrets here. Unless of course I decide to hide a post from you all, then you won't even know about it. Good plan, yes? Honestly, I want to be as open and genuine as possible. Even if there is no one to read this, this is about the 50 Billion things constantly tumbling through my brain. They aren't all pretty, but they're all me.

So what's my purpose?? I'm not sure. Am I here to be emo and complain and just vent as if this were my Diary? Not sure. Am I here to entertain you all with my unfailing wit? It's possible. Or Am I here because I need someone else to get it? Sure, why not?

I think I'm here, because if I don't let out these words that are inside me, I really might explode.

So I'm sorry if I tend to get a little emo and sad, but that's a large part of who I am, especially when I'm hormonal.
I'm also sorry if you don't like some of the things that I say. The goal is to be open and honest and if that's going to bother you, then you can find yourself another blog to read.
I'm sorry if my Grammar or Spelling aren't perfect. They'll be what I intend them to be, but they may not be your idea of perfect. Deal.
And finally, I'm sorry if I don't censor myself. I'm not as perfect as I might lead you to believe, and sometimes the most effective way to express that is through choice words. If it's ever an entry where it's bad, I promise to warn you.

Here we are I guess... One post down, who knows how many left to write. I promise as your author I will try to update you on both the good and the bad, but more than anything, I promise to be me. Happy, Sad, Grouchy, Hyper, or just plain Relaxed. I'll always be me.

Now, it's time I get sleep so that I can get through another day. Night.