Delusions Of Grandeur

is something I've come to learn I can't stand.

...It's a new lesson, it's an important lesson... Pushing me is the fastest way to make me run.

Night.

Tomorrow I graduate.

I'm terrified.
I'm excited.
I'm Done.

Most importantly, I'm broken and insecure and new.

I don't know if I can do this, but I'm going to try.
I even have a plan. It's a good one too.

Just you wait, I'm takin' over the world.

Seriously though, I'm hurting and torn and sleepy and lonely and ready... So I'm off to bed.

I love you :]

It's not perfect, but it's pretty accurate...

Ruins one's enjoyment of an exciting moment in life.

I Graduate 3 weeks from Friday. THREE. That's awesome, right? Of course! And all of the graduating Art Majors have to put together a senior show in the art gallery. Also, very cool. Except... it's expensive.

No Seriously... EXPENSIVE. At least my parents are helping me out and paying for it... But I walked out of Kinko's yesterday majorly weighed down by guilt. I called my mom to tell her the bad news and was just so upset I told her not to get me anything more for Christmas. She did a great job of telling me not to be ridiculous and that it was ok, because by graduating early, I'm saving money. But still, I feel bad. I can't believe anyone could expect me to accept more gifts.

I should be excited about this show, about graduating, really I just feel bad.

I'm also stressed. Three major things left to get done this semester. I can do it, right? Right.

I'm going to go back to taking notes on a movie. Ciao!

...granted to the girl on her knees, begging her God to show her the way.

Miscommunications and Misunderstandings... Still suck. But Reconciliation is a healing balm to the hurt of a misunderstanding.

There's a line of what's ok and what isn't. A line of appropriate joking and justified humor.

...Crossing that line can have bad ramifications. Ramifications that can include a boyfriend who is so upset by not taking the trust of your relationship seriously, that he genuinely struggles to decide whether or not to work through this screw up.

To all those who helped calm Justin down and show him the remorse I was feeling, and how badly I was willing to work to not mess up at this again... Thank You. You are some of the people I love most right now.

My mouth runs away from me. Often. And this is something that I need to control.

Ephesians 4:29 -Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God's favor) to those who hear it.

Do you see that? No Worthless talk. There needs to be purpose behind everything that I say. In order for that to be true, there needs to be thought behind everything that I say. Even more than there needing to be a purpose, there needs to be edification. How can I hope to build a strong relationship with anyone, let alone my boyfriend, if I'm not choosing to edify those I love? My words cannot be tearing down those people, but instead strengthening my relationships.

So, as for this reconciliation. Nothing comes easy and relationships have problems that need to be worked through. So of course it may take a little time to heal and get back to normal, but that we're trying is the important thing.

Anyway, I have packing to get done if I plan to work out today before going to Springfield. Twilight premieres tonight!!! I'm so freaking excited, you don't even know. I'm 21 and stoked about this movie, if anyone has issues with that, too bad. I'm embracing the part of myself that just wants to enjoy being carefree and entertained.

I'll probably come rave or rant about it tomorrow... but yeah. Bye!

Suck.

Yep, that's it. Night. :[

...and i love you, justin. I'm sorry.

Know what's weird? I really enjoy rain. Not so much storms, but Rain is pretty sweet. It's cleansing and cool and at times, a blessing. Unfortunately, I am one of those people that tends to be affected by rain.

Thus, today, Chris is being stupid.

I wake up, and before I even know about the rain, in my still half-sleep state I get a little stressed at my boyfriend. Then after I'm done with that, once I've had time to let the rain set in and my day begin, I've been all stupid and doubting and moody. Stupid Rain.

At least it's Friday, right? At least I can enjoy a weekend without classes. Granted, I have some major homework to catch up on, but that's better than class. And I get to see Nate tonight!! Tonight is also Rachel's senior Recital. I'm so excited for her! She's going to do great! After that Jess and I are headed to see Role Models (which I've seen already) with Nate. And maybe Sarah and James. They should let us know soon.

I also HAVE to workout today. Stace and I missed our last two days, so I think we better go today. My head is still hurting from yesterday but at least I'm not longer scared to move. Yesterday was bad. Horrible. Completely Incapacitated.

Anyway, now I'm running late to class if I'd like to eat at all, so I'm gonna go do that. Then dishes. Woo having responsibilities. Wish I had a stinking dishwasher. :[